A friend of mine passed along a very funny email, and I quote, “Whenever your children are out of control, take comfort in the thought that even God’s omnipotence did not extend to His own children. After creating heaven and earth, God created Adam and Eve. And the first thing He said was, “Don’t!” But they did. So, “having had it with the two of them, God’s punishment was that Adam and Eve should have children of their own.”

Many generations later, Judge Glenda Hatchett, mother of two teenage boys, has written a book titled, Say What You Mean and Mean What You Say!  She explains, ”It’s what we are willing to do to grow up our children.” 

Case in point. Your son’s wish list is as big as a shopping mall. Your daughter’s list is the size of the universe. Their entire vocabulary consists of two words, “I want.” Do you avoid shopping with your kids or just say no to every whim and plea? Does either approach work? Probably not. 

The Judge recommends seven simple strategies.

Strategy #1: Expect greatness. What are your child’s dreams? Be sure these are her plans and not yours. Help her to “dream with a plan.” The story of a 15-year-old, who had trouble staying in school but dreamed of becoming a doctor—and did it—shows the power of belief in a child.

Strategy #2: Say what you mean and mean what you say. Speak and act consistently. If you forewarn him that careless behavior will cost him and your words come true, don’t pay for his mistakes. The lesson learned by a ten-year-old whose bike was stolen because he did not listen to his mom’s warning demonstrates that a “lesson earned is a lesson learned.”

Strategy #3: Listen carefully. When you ask about your child’s day, listen to her answer fully. Tell her about your day with age-appropriate details. Consider the kindergartner who tugs on your skirt to be heard and later takes your car for a joy ride and smashes it.

Strategy #4: Keep your word. It’s a promise. If you say you will do something, do it. The story of the parent who would rather see his son play football than work late demonstrates how keeping one’s word teaches a child to keep his.

Strategy #5: Cheer. Support your child’s efforts. Support positive behavior whenever and wherever it shows. Be positive. Choose a time and a place to connect with your child. This could be driving to and from school or at bedtime. Consider how a child grows when a parent praises him for not going along with the crowd.

Strategy #6: Make money matter. Give your child a hands-on lesson in making a budget. The story of a child who blows an allowance on a high-priced basketball jersey and has to wait until the next allowance installment proves again that a “lesson earned is a lesson learned.”

Strategy #7: Reach, Teach, and Preach. Acknowledge that your child is part of something bigger than herself—God, community, the greater good—and encourage respect. The story of a missed curfew and family rules teaches a child to learn from her mistakes and turn the corner to “New Hope Road.”

God disciplines His children. There seems to be a correlation between my willingness to grow up the children in my life and the extent that I’ve been willing to let God grow me up.